The change.

 Seema: You know Kd, a couple of years back, i was just like you. I used to dress the way you do  now, play soccer and hang out with the guys.

   Sumedh: So, why did you give that up?

   Seema: Well, i didn't give up everything! I still listen to metal, watch football and stuff. I just  gave up dressing like a guy because i realised being a girl is way more fun and most guys are  jerks anyway!

   Sumedh: No. I think you quit on all that stuff because you started feeling insecure about it.  It's a major personality killer. You fell prey to it.

   Seema: Insecure about what?

   Sumedh: Insecure about not being part of the mainstream. Insecure about being different  from the others around you. Insecure about actually being an 'individual' and not part of the  mass.

   "Why is it getting harder and harder to feel the joy of just being alive?"- Anon

   There exists a phase in the life of each individual when one is an adolescent. When one is torn  between what has been imbibed within his character and what the society has to say. Between  the indoctrination he undergoes for the few years that he is imbecile and between what is  expected of him from the people who know no better. It never ceases to set me off on a train of  thought, to understand and realise the numerous possibilities that could have been, had the  course of my life been just a little different. Sure we are bestowed with a family since birth. But  then, there is also the family that we choose for ourselves. We decide what we look up to and  yet we are completely powerless when it comes to shaping our own individuality. In other  words, we may choose our influences all we like, but what these influences inseminate within  our subconscious self, is completely out of our control. And although it may seem viable in the  present tense, it is, very often resentful at hindsight.

   Insecurity is most often the reason why people change i guess. I have nolong theory to rant  about. But more often than not, people believe that changing the way they are may make them  more acceptable to their peers than they already are. Paranoia, as someone once said, is a  completely natural state of  mind in today's world. And that, is a major reason why a huge  chunk of the mass feel uncomfortable with themselves, with who they are. When one feels the  need to change, it directly implies that the people around them find them unfit to be part of  'the cult'. Sure, people may talk about revolutions against the cult, their militancy towards the  mainstream and their hostility towards the idea of religion more often and more openly than  ever before. But, in reality they follow a thought process that makes them more acceptable and  in a way 'cooler' to their peers with a  similar outlook.

  @Seema: You changed for reasons i am not aware of and yet it is pretty evident that you made  the decision self-consciously. You felt it would make you a better person than you already are.  And that, is the single most deceptive and deceitful fallacy of 'the change'. It never makes you a  better person. It turns you into 'just another person'. YOU then start getting lost behind the  mask that you adopt and the individual within, ceases to surface. You are a wonderful person  the way you are, and a great friend. You never stopped listening to metal. You never stopped  being a football fanatic. This shows that it is within you to decide what you want to be. We are  always larger than our paranoia.

  Now playing: Porcupine Tree-Trains

Train set and match spied under the blind

Shiny and contoured the railway winds

And I've heard the sound from my cousin's bed

The hiss of the train at the railway head

Always the summers are slipping away

A 60 ton angel falls to the earth

A pile of old metal, a radiant blur

Scars in the country, the summer and her

Always the summers are slipping away

Find me a way for making it stay

When I hear the engine pass

I'm kissing you wide

The hissing subsides

I'm in luck

When the evening reaches here

You're tying me up

I'm dying of love

It's OK

 P.S.: The lyrics are for you, "Cma". :P I hope you forever regret not attending PT and not  having a 'limited edition tee'. :P

 P.P.S: And for the love of God, Man Utd. suck!

 P.P.P.s: You are just so, so awesome. Thank you for being a friend. :)

 More later.

 Sumedh.